Chaos in MiddleEarth!
by blackstar deceiver
Summary: This is the first story ive ever posted anywhere, total randomness, and incorporates elements of many stories, not just LoTR. COMPLETE Reviews welcome.
1. Smaug

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters. They all belong to their respective studios, authors, and so forth. I just enjoy messing around with them.  
  
Note: This is the first story I've ever posted here, or anywhere for that matter. All reviews are very welcome. If you like this story, let me know and I will continue it, or write more like it. This story is total random insanity, but please keep in mind I can write GOOD stories too. They're not all like this.  
  
Once upon a time, there was a boy named Sue. Sue liked to take walks in the woods, but one day a bear ate him. But this was no ordinary bear. It was a magical bear. The bear wasn't used to eating people, so he got indigestion from eating Sue and spit him out. Because this bear was magical, Sue did not return to a normal human being. He became a dragon and decided to change his name to Smaug.  
Since he was now a dragon, he had to find a new place to live. So he flew around for a few days, until he saw a misty mountain that looked rather appealing. This just so happened to be a mountain where some dwarves were living. Now we all know how much dragons love shiny things like gold, and that dwarves have access to lots of it. Smaug chased all the dwarves out from under the mountain and hoarded treasure there for many years.  
Then, one day, a hobbit named Bilbo Baggins came along and woke him up. This really made Smaug mad, so he decided to go and ravage the nearest village. He really missed his ravaging days. However, this day was his last. One of the village heroes, by the name of Hercules, shot an arrow at Smaug's weak spot and he fell to the ground.  
Bilbo took home all the treasure and split it amongst all the other hobbits in the Shire. They built a big castle on the borders of the Shire and lived happily ever after. At least until the next chapter.. 


	2. The Ring

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters. They all belong to their respective studios, authors, and so forth. I just enjoy messing around with them.  
  
Note: This is the first story I've ever posted here, or anywhere for that matter. All reviews are very welcome. If you like this story, let me know and I will continue it, or write more like it. This story is total random insanity, but please keep in mind I can write GOOD stories too. They're not all like this.  
  
Sorry Ch2 is so short. The next one will hopefully be longer.  
  
There was once a mild-mannered young hobbit named Smeagol. He lived near the riverside, with his pet hawk who went hunting for him. One day, as he was making some porridge, his hawk, named Precious, flew in with a shiny object in his beak.  
"What do you have there, Precious?" Smeagol asked his hawk.  
The hawk dropped the object onto the table and Smeagol picked it up. "Hmmm." he contemplated. "It's a gold ring. It must be very precious." He put it on and saw his hand disappear. The world around him now looked very strange. Then he looked up into the mirror on the other side of the room and realized he had no reflection. Smeagol got scared and took it off, feeling the weight of it in his hand.  
He just sat and stared at it for awhile, then decided to keep it. As the years went on, Smeagol grew very accustomed to the ring and began to turn into a strange creature that barely looked like a hobbit. He was shunned by all other hobbits, who were beginning to fear him and they chased him out of the Shire.  
Smeagol ran off to Mordor, where he took over as the ruthless Dark Lord Smeagol, and made it his business to destroy all hobbits. 


	3. Harry Potter vs Gandalf the White

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters. They all belong to their respective studios, authors, and so forth. I just enjoy messing around with them.  
  
Note: The first bit at the beginning with Gandalf was supposed to be included with chapter one, but I forgot to add it in. So I guess it's a sort of prologue to chapter 3 and I find that it does relate to it a bit better anyhoo.  
  
Many years later, on Bilbo's eleventy-first birthday, Gandalf came for a visit and ate all the babies in the Shire. Then he spit them out a year later, and they were now full-grown cave-trolls with wizard-like powers. Gandalf trained them to use their new abilities and they traveled around Middle-Earth solving mysteries. Please note this chapter is the least politically correct yet (ie: I know the Bridge of Khazad-Dûm is not in Mordor) but just go with it. I don't want people sending me hate mail because of stupid things like this.  
  
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It was a rainy day in Hogwarts castle, and no one was allowed outside. Since they couldn't have any fun outside, Harry Potter and his friends decided to play hide and seek. Harry found an old wardrobe off in a corner somewhere, and figured it would be a good place to hide.  
He had only been in there for a few minutes, when he realized he was getting awfully cold. He simply dismissed it as a draft. But soon, Harry started shivering, so he grabbed one of the warm fur coats inside the wardrobe. Nearly twenty minutes had passed and he was getting bored, thinking the game had probably ended by now. He tried to find his way out, but he somehow ended up outside in a forest somewhere.  
Harry's immediate reaction was that he had just found a secret passage into the Forbidden Forest just at the edge of the Hogwarts grounds. He knew very well students weren't supposed to be in the woods because of the dangers it presented. So he immediately began to look for a way out. Little did Harry know this wasn't the Forbidden Forest.  
A tiny satyr walked up to him and said "Hello, my name is Mr. Tumnus. Welcome to Narnia." Then he offered Harry a cup of tea.  
Harry drank some of the tea, and the next thing he knew, he woke up in a castle, but it wasn't Hogwarts. It was the hobbits' castle in the Shire. Bilbo came into the room and said "Who are you?" Harry ran away, into Mordor, where Gandalf and his band of trolls were solving their latest mystery.  
Harry walked over to Gandalf and said "I'm a wizard."  
"No, you're not." Said Gandalf.  
"Yes, I am." Replied Harry, getting annoyed.  
"Liar." Muttered Gandalf.  
Out of nowhere, the Balrog showed up and said "You guys are stupid. You're both wizards." Then it tried to cross the bridge.  
"You shall not pass!" cried Gandalf, raising his staff.  
"Why not?" asked the Balrog.  
"Because you haven't paid the toll yet." Replied Gandalf.  
"Oh, well why didn't you say so? How much is it?" It asked.  
"It'll be 25 cents." The Balrog fished in its pocketses for some change. Then he turned to Harry.  
"Could I borrow some change? I'll pay you back."  
"How much?" inquired Harry.  
"A quarter?"  
Harry looked bewildered. "What's quarters, precious?" asked Harry. The Balrog threw up its arms in exasperation and walked away.  
"Thanks man." Said Gandalf, patting Harry on the back. "I owe you one."  
"Then admit I'm a wizard." Harry requested.  
"Screw that. I ain't givin no credit for-" Gandalf began.  
Suddenly the Balrog came back. "I forgot my purse. Oh look! A wizard fight!" So a bunch of orcs came over to watch. They set up a ring and then the Balrog said into the mic "LET'S GET RREEAAAADDYYYY TO RUUUUUUMMMBBBLLLE!!!!"  
Just as they were about to start fighting, Saruman came and said "Wait! I'm Head of the Order and I need to sanction this match!" So they had to sit down and write up a big contract and Saruman volunteered himself to referee the match.  
About halfway through the match, someone shouted "Nazgûl!" But it was really Luke Skywalker, Han Solo, and Chewbacca in the Millennium Falcon.  
The orcs started shooting at them. Luke was the first to realize this and cried "Hey! They're shooting at us!" So they started shooting back. However, Luke's team lost, because the orcs had Harry Potter, Gandalf and his super-trolls, and the Balrog on their team. So they flew away in terror. 


	4. The Return to Narnia

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters. They all belong to their respective studios, authors, and so forth. I just enjoy messing around with them.  
  
After the battle, Gandalf asked Harry to join his band of merry men. Harry accepted the invitation and they went around the countryside stealing from the rich to give to the poor. However, the Dark Lord Smèagol didn't like that because he wanted his money. So he kidnapped Mr. Tumnus and they all had to go rescue him.  
When Harry got there and realized it was Mr. Tumnus they were saving, he got mad and said "I'm not saving him! He's the one who drugged me with that tea."  
"Don't worry. He's nice." Said Gandalf.  
"Okay." Said Harry. Then they saved him.  
"Thanks." Said Mr. Tumnus, after they had gotten out of the castle.  
"Would you like a cup of tea, Harry?" asked Mr. Tumnus. Harry greedily accepted and drank it. When he woke up he was in another castle, but he was back in Narnia. It was the White Witch's castle. The White Witch came into the room and saw Harry. "Let's team up." She said. Harry agreed and they were off to Middle-Earth and take over.  
Since time passed differently in Narnia, ten years had passed in Middle-Earth and Frodo had already destroyed the One Ring in Mount Doom after he found it in a pawn shop somewhere in Gondor (Smèagol had been down on his luck after Gandalf and the trolls stole all his money, so he had to pawn it to make his way in life). Smèagol was very bitter about losing his ring, so he asked Lord Voldemort to forge him a new one.  
While Smèagol was sitting in his study one afternoon going over the stock report, the White Witch snuck up on him and said "BOO!" Smèagol got so scared that he died. Then Voldemort and the White Witch got married and this caused Harry to die of heartbreak (whether it was because of Voldemort or the White Witch, we may never know). 


	5. The Legend of The Satyr in the Cupboard

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters. They all belong to their respective studios, authors, and so forth. I just enjoy messing around with them.  
  
One day, a few years later, a young boy named Super Mario Bros. found a wardrobe in the attic of his house, but it was locked. So he ran downstairs to ask his mom if she knew anything about it.  
"Momomomomom!!!!" Super Mario Bros. yelled as he ran down the stairs.  
"What is it, honey?" asked his mother, Zelda.  
"Ifoundacupboardintheatticbutitslockeddoyouknowwherethekeyismom?" He said all in one breath.  
She sighed. "I knew this day would come. Alright sweetie, I'll give you the key if you can pass the first level, kill Toad, and save Princess Peach after you defeat Bowser."  
"Okay, mom. Bye." Super Mario Bros. said as he headed off into the porthole in the kitchen.  
"Wait! Don't forget this! She called after and tossed him a small brown package.  
"What's this?" he asked, looking at it skeptically.  
"Some mushrooms for later. They'll make you big and strong."  
"Thanks, mom. See you later." Then he was off.  
  
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After completing his task, he went back to his mom. "Can I have the key now?" "Sure. Here you go." She said, handing him the key. Super Mario Bros. ran upstairs to play with his new cupboard. When he opened it, he was greatly disappointed. It had three shelves and it was empty. He picked up one of his toys that he didn't like and put it in the cupboard. Then he locked it up and went to bed after a long hard day of work. Late that night, he heard something tapping. It took him a minute to figure out where it was coming from, then he realized it was coming from the cupboard. He opened the door and there was Mr. Tumnus. "Please, I must go back to Narnia. But would you like some tea first?" "Hmmm.Okay." Said Super Mario Bros.. When he woke up, he was in Narnia, in a castle. Then a big T-Rex came in and ate him. It was the Balrog's pet T-Rex, named Fred. To punish him, the Balrog said "No, that's a bad dinosaur. No TV for a month." So Fred was sad. Fred was a magical dinosaur that the Balrog had taught to do tricks, like fetch and stuff. But mostly he had trained him to seek out revenge against Gandalf for not letting go across the Bridge of Khazad-Dûm. Smaug raised himself from the dead and asked "Can I help too? I hate the way he struts around like he's all that." So they began to get prepared for the big battle. 


	6. Link in Da Hood

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters. They all belong to their respective studios, authors, and so forth. I just enjoy messing around with them.  
  
Gandalf knew the Balrog was plotting against him, because Gandalf knows everything. So he went to go visit his buddy Elrond in Rivendell, who was secretly an Agent, but we'll get to that later.  
They discussed a battle strategy, then decided their plan of action. Meanwhile, the Balrog, Fred, and Smaug planned their own strategy in their secret clubhouse (which had a big NO GIRLS ALLOWED sign painted on the front).  
Suddenly, a porthole opened in the room and out stepped Link. "..." Said Link.  
"No," said the Balrog. "This is Middle-Earth, not Hyrule. And I don't know any Gannondorf. Sorry man."  
"....?" asked Link, pointing to Smaug. "No, I'm not Volvagia. You're looking for my brother. He lives down the street." Replied Smaug.  
"...." said Link gratefully, stepping back through the porthole.  
"You're welcome! It was nice meeting you!" They called after him. 


	7. Neo, Fred, and the Thrilling Conclusion

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters. They all belong to their respective studios, authors, and so forth. I just enjoy messing around with them.  
  
Note: Hooray! The last chapter is here! Let me know what y'all think.  
  
Finally, the day of the big battle arrived. They agreed to meet in a big field somewhere.  
Just as they were about to start, Neo came in and said "I am the One!"  
"No, Frodo destroyed the Ring." Said Voldemort, putting his arm around the White Witch (who was very pregnant now).  
"Not the One Ring, just plain the One. Idiots." He muttered under his breath.  
"Hey, weren't you that guy in that movie -ummmm- what was it again? With the bus.." Contemplated Gandalf.  
"Oh, you're thinking of Speed." Said Smaug.  
"Just shut up. I'm sick of being that 'guy from Speed'!" Cried Neo, then everything turned into all those Matrix numbers and it was all green and stuff.  
Then Neo saw Elrond and became enraged. "Agent Smith! Die!" Then everything blew up except for the dinosaur.  
Fred looked around, puzzled, then his eyes landed on Neo, who was very tall for a hobbit. He pulled out a cigarette pack and offered Neo a smoke.  
Neo declined. "Those things will kill you, you know."  
Fred shrugged and lit it. Then his cell phone started ringing. He reached into his pocketses and answered it. "It's for you." He said to Neo.  
After Neo had finished the conversation, he handed the phone back to Fred. "We have to go to Mount Weathertop." He said. "I have some friends who want to meet you."  
"But that's so far!" exclaimed Fred.  
"Don't worry." Said Neo, pulling out a small black whistle and blowing it. "I'm a Black Rider."  
"Oh, cool!" said Fred. "Let's go."  
They moseyed on over to Mount Weathertop, where they met up with Morpheus (aka: the Witch King) and Trinity (another of the Black Riders).  
"You can take the blue pill or the red pill." Morpheus said to Fred.  
"The red ones taste like strawberries." Neo whispered to Fred.  
Fred took the red pill and when he woke up, he was in Narnia with Mr. Tumnus standing over him. "Here, have a cup of tea. You'll feel better." Said Mr. Tumnus, handing it to him.  
"What's the Matrix?" Fred asked groggily.  
"Oh, that old thing. That's just a story they made up to scare kids. Now drink your tea."  
And they lived happily ever after.  
  
THE END  
  
Until it starts all over again.. 


End file.
